Hearing about a guy that is considering breaking up with a girlfriend that he has been happy with for a few years because he isn't sure if someone else out there somewhere would make him happier has completely shaken my world. I always thought if I found someone that makes me happy and that I love, I would be with them for as long as I could be. Because even finding someone that makes you feel love for them is like, the hardest thing ever. I looked my entire life for someone that was worthy to fall in love with, and I would never want to take the bet that perhaps someone else is out there exactly like him but likes the same music as me too. I would never want to give up the inside jokes we have, and the things we share together. And before hearing about this guy, I thought it was logical enough that everyone would more or less operate the same as me. It is really frightening that you can never truly know if love is ever going to be enough for the person whose love is enough for you.
About a year ago I was examining the question of whether you can ever truly trust someone. I don't think I ever came up with a satisfactory answer for myself. I would love to believe that you could, because it sounds easier than constantly doubting everyone in your life. But if you put that trust on someone and they let you down, how could you ever forgive yourself for giving them the opportunity to violate trust? I put a pin in it a year ago, I try not to think about it. I don't think it matters one way or another most of the time, because you carry on business the same. You eat, you sleep, you hang out, without needing an answer to that fundamental question. But it is at times like this when it comes up from the blue again. I will put a pin in it again. I have a feeling this is an essentially human thing to do. I have a feeling the answer is no, we cannot truly trust anyone. But when we put a pin in it, aren't we just temporarily trying to forget that we can't? I think the heart wants to trust so badly, but the brain knows better. And putting a pin in the question is just our way of trying to forget that we can't.
But what implications does this have to human relationships? Perhaps this is the question under the pin instead.
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a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend because 'it would hurt too much to break up later on,' my girlfriend broke up with me because 'she wanted to be on her own and didn't want the safety net'. Of course, I can't immagine that either one of those excuses was true, the first one being 'we're freaking out about how serious this relationship has gotten' and the second one being 'I want to sleep around, and a boyfriend keeps me from doing that'. I immagine 'someone out there might make me happier' is a similar situation. The only thing that can keep people from gratification is fear, and that guy was probably affraid of something in that relationship.
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