Man, I just thought about my goals in context of what the goals for the 2000dollarwedding were. Mine are so much more caveman than hers! Yikes...I guess what really matters to me is having a good party, but we aren't really feeling close to people right now. I think it makes a big difference whether or not you are really connected to your social group or whether they are all moving out of state currently. I wish I could feel more connected, but I think a part of me has been isolating myself because I am afraid of just gabbing everyone's head off about wedding plans and realizing at the end of the night that I haven't actually listened to others.
And that is what I hate most about planning a wedding. Whether you want to talk about it or not, all conversation seems to swirl around the topic. Even when I make a concious effort to not talk about it, someone always asks. Arg.
Friday, February 26, 2010
A weight has been lifted off of me
At the suggestion of a friend of an old work friend (funny how the 'net connects us in weird and interesting ways, no?) I checked out the blogs http://www.apracticalwedding.com/ and http://2000dollarwedding.com/. I am amazed at how much better, more hopeful, and less stressed about wedding stuff I feel after reading about how other like-minded people have dealt with the social mores surrounding weddings. I was really feeling trapped by them, like I had no recourse but to follow the traditions because I had never entertained the idea of carefully keeping the ones I liked and throwing the ones I don't like out the window. I feel so much more grounded about the process right now. I may even steal the 2000dollarwedding idea for the dress - an DYI embelleshed target sundress! I was so focused on doing a stripped down version of the traditional that I never entertained doing what I usually do. Do I usually shop at JCrew for dresses? No! I go to Target or Kohls! But I looked at JCrew and thought, oh, only $600 for a dress? That seems like the least I can do for a "real" wedding dress... (Not that I will cancel my order now...but when it comes, if it isn't comfy and if it doesn't fit, it is going right back - not to the tailor's as I originally had in mind)
I think having a fight with my dad has helped in this matter too. He was going to contribute $4000, but he has been really overbearing since he said that so I told him to keep his money and if he was going to be so unreasonable, then stay at home that day, too. Of course I don't want my dad to not be there, but he needed to have a shock to his system. And I needed it to - now that I don't have that money as a financial crutch, I've been scrutinizing many more of the things I thought I just *had* to have. For example, I hate cut flowers. I think they are a waste of money. They are dead plants; I would much rather have alive ones to enjoy for a whole season. I was going to get them anyway, because people just didn't seem to be able to handle a wedding without flowers. But you know what? Screw flowers (in the traditional sense, anyway). I heard an idea for just getting a supermarket bouquet and doing your own with ribbon. I recently found a lot of wide cobalt blue ribbon in the $1 bin of Michaels, and I can do that just fine. For someone that doesn't give a crap about flowers, it seems like the perfect solution.
This is a work in progress for sure, but I think that with my new appreciation for just doing it our way and not feeling pressured into squeezing our values into social norm molds we will have an easier time from here out.
Thank you Adrienne!
I think having a fight with my dad has helped in this matter too. He was going to contribute $4000, but he has been really overbearing since he said that so I told him to keep his money and if he was going to be so unreasonable, then stay at home that day, too. Of course I don't want my dad to not be there, but he needed to have a shock to his system. And I needed it to - now that I don't have that money as a financial crutch, I've been scrutinizing many more of the things I thought I just *had* to have. For example, I hate cut flowers. I think they are a waste of money. They are dead plants; I would much rather have alive ones to enjoy for a whole season. I was going to get them anyway, because people just didn't seem to be able to handle a wedding without flowers. But you know what? Screw flowers (in the traditional sense, anyway). I heard an idea for just getting a supermarket bouquet and doing your own with ribbon. I recently found a lot of wide cobalt blue ribbon in the $1 bin of Michaels, and I can do that just fine. For someone that doesn't give a crap about flowers, it seems like the perfect solution.
This is a work in progress for sure, but I think that with my new appreciation for just doing it our way and not feeling pressured into squeezing our values into social norm molds we will have an easier time from here out.
Thank you Adrienne!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Shish Kebobs
Oh man, how excited am I that the good people that brought us Cafe Shish Kebob on Bethel Rd have an express restaurant in the Gateway now? Not only that, but they deliver and have an amazing online ordering system! I love having delicious Mediterranean food delivered right to my office :D
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentine's Day
Happy Valentine's Day!
Brazilian orange truffles are yum.
To make up for the fact that Tom had me in secret Santa this year and he got me the ring and all, I got him a piano tuning scheduled for spring break for Valentine's Day. I love giving him presents that don't take up any space, are kind of luxurious, but something he would have spent money on himself. If it meets that criteria, it is probably perfect for him.
Brazilian orange truffles are yum.
To make up for the fact that Tom had me in secret Santa this year and he got me the ring and all, I got him a piano tuning scheduled for spring break for Valentine's Day. I love giving him presents that don't take up any space, are kind of luxurious, but something he would have spent money on himself. If it meets that criteria, it is probably perfect for him.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
I'll start posting again...
But I'm warning you...I am planning a wedding and that is nearly all I think about. It is terrible...I can't stop getting random thoughts in my head like "Oh my god, we still don't have an officiant!" or "We should get those awesome toffee chocolate almonds for the favors!" or the ever popular "I wonder if craigslist has any dresses worth buying today..." (the latter one always hitting me when I should be doing some important number-crunching at work.)
I have come to realize that no matter what I do in life, anger will always be my most prominent feature. Everything about wedding planning makes me angry. I am really not girly, so I have anger at dresses, flowers, and all of the women who squeal and ask about my color schemes with all of those things. I hate mushy stuff, so I have short tempers with people that start tearing up at the thought of walking me down the aisle, being included in my "special day", and anyone suggesting that I look all grown up in a marshmallow suit. Oh yeah, and anyone who asks if I cried when Tom was down on one knee and definitely anyone who says that they cried in the same position. I hate being wasteful, so I especially have anger at people who think I should have a bridal shower for all of the gifts I don't need, the employees of any and all wedding industrial companies whose job it is to convince me I absolutely need a new set of crystal and china or $50/person plated dinners or a $1,000 dress or seat covers (because chairs are so ugly?!). ANGRY.
The day after I got engaged, I said that the most important things to me in a wedding are as follows:
1. Booze. Because weddings are generally boring.
2. Night time. Because I hate mornings and getting up early.
3. Family and Friends. Duh. Maybe that should have placed before booze...
But I am thrilled that I have love in my life, that I have loved ones to share in it, and that I have an excuse for being crafty (the only part I am enjoying is making the invitations and favors!) And I get a vacation after the it is over with! I think that anyone who really knows me knows that I am the happiest I've ever been right now, and that the anger at the presumed wedding traditions is just the pineapple skin.
I have come to realize that no matter what I do in life, anger will always be my most prominent feature. Everything about wedding planning makes me angry. I am really not girly, so I have anger at dresses, flowers, and all of the women who squeal and ask about my color schemes with all of those things. I hate mushy stuff, so I have short tempers with people that start tearing up at the thought of walking me down the aisle, being included in my "special day", and anyone suggesting that I look all grown up in a marshmallow suit. Oh yeah, and anyone who asks if I cried when Tom was down on one knee and definitely anyone who says that they cried in the same position. I hate being wasteful, so I especially have anger at people who think I should have a bridal shower for all of the gifts I don't need, the employees of any and all wedding industrial companies whose job it is to convince me I absolutely need a new set of crystal and china or $50/person plated dinners or a $1,000 dress or seat covers (because chairs are so ugly?!). ANGRY.
The day after I got engaged, I said that the most important things to me in a wedding are as follows:
1. Booze. Because weddings are generally boring.
2. Night time. Because I hate mornings and getting up early.
3. Family and Friends. Duh. Maybe that should have placed before booze...
But I am thrilled that I have love in my life, that I have loved ones to share in it, and that I have an excuse for being crafty (the only part I am enjoying is making the invitations and favors!) And I get a vacation after the it is over with! I think that anyone who really knows me knows that I am the happiest I've ever been right now, and that the anger at the presumed wedding traditions is just the pineapple skin.
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