I have been having a bad week. Everything that is bad in my life seems to have compounded on me all at once. Last night, I desperately needed to talk to Tom, because he is most of the good things in my life. And of course I started talking about why I have been down, and I got into that mode where you just keep focusing on everything bad and it seems like nothing will ever be right again ever again. And the flood gates opened and I couldn't stop crying. It was bad. I thought I was over it, and then I went to work and talked to my manager. H&M has started doing the schedule over a computer program. It is really fucked up. It doesn't have the human touch of not making the same person close all week, or work all weekend, and it doesn't give people off days they are used to having off. I have gotten every Monday night for 2 years off for pizza night. It has never been a problem. So when I saw that it was making me work Monday night, and that even though we were short an opener and over one closer, I mentioned that I should open and he said NO. NO. His reasons were stupid and you could tell he was using "company policy" to stick it to me because he doesn't like me. So I just started crying all over again. I couldn't stop. For hours. I was out on the sales floor just crying all over the place. I don't know why I couldn't stop, but I couldn't. And right when I started to calm down, I remembered that that particular pizza night is the celebration of Dami's, Grandpa's, and probably Mom's birthday. And then it started all over again. I started thinking about what if this is Grandpa's last birthday? And I missed it for a company that I hate? What the fuck?!? I hate that so hard. I hate that I don't get to see Tom, I don't get to see my family, and those are the 2 good things in my life because of the worst thing in my life. H&M is the devil. It sucks up everything good and turns it into badness. It turns it into making my stomache hurt. I need a hug so bad right now. But I had to close and open and Tom has homework and Go is in Kansas and Katie is in Switzerland and Dami is gone and nobody is here and I'm starting to cry again...
Can I blame birth control for this sudden onset of depression? Or the STAR system...
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Awwww. *CYBER HUG*
ReplyDeleteDude, your job really sucks! Why on earth is your boss making you work at a time when you never ever work? Didn't you tell him it's company policy to maintain the same quality of employee treatment, even with a new computer program? Why doesn't he like you?? Do I need to fly there and whoop someone's ass???
Ahh... I dunno what set off your crying spells. It's so odd because I remember meeting you as this girl that never ever cried, even if she wanted to. While it's good that you cry now sometimes, crying so much is definitely not helpful here.
If you really wanted to see if it was the birth control, then you could go off it for a few months to see whether you start feeling happier, but to my knowledge you should usually only feel the effects of depression from birth control when you've quit it and your estrogen levels go down. So while you are on it, I don't think you should be having so many problems... especially when you switched what kind you're using too.
I'd recommend getting a new job. (duh) that and figuring out what's going on with your body would probably take most of the immediate stress out of your life.
Stress=EVIL
Cheer up lady. I hate to hear you're crying all over the place. that's really MY job you know!
Loooooooove,
Me
Thanks :) My job really does suck...I just can't wait until I don't have to deal with this shit anymore. I need to get a better job NOW!
ReplyDeleteOn the packet of info that came with the pill, it said the side effects were depression and you shouldn't go on it if you are depressed. So I'm just guessing...but it also says that it takes a few months for your body to get used to it, and some of the side effects would go away with time. I'm hoping this will fade. Maybe my body just doesn't like my estrogen levels changing at all...