I was always told about in-laws. Warned about how terrible they could be, and how cruel. But when I started considering what could happen with Tom's parents if it ever comes to that, I thought it wouldn't be bad. They seem to like me, and appreciate my presence in their son's life. But this weekend I realized that even if I make their son happy, and "bring out the best in him", I will never be a yuppy. And that is always going to make me a second class citizen with them.
This weekend, the others went diamond shopping. After 7 months, diamond shopping. But its ok by the parentals, because they are in their last year of grad school. If you make it through grad school, it doesn't matter that your first new years together will be your first ever as a couple and you are engaged for it. It is shocking to me. It seems so forced to me. Like they do it because that is what you are supposed to do, and not out of a long and considered relationship in which you grow and explore life together. And it will probably work out. I'm not saying it won't, and I do not want that for them. I love them and want the best for them. But certain people's reaction to this makes me feel like I will never be good enough because I am doing what is right for me. And I was the child of people that got married waaaay to young and too soon, and it ruined what should have been the best years of their lives, as well as giving their children a really fucked up upbringing.
I want to do things in my life that feel right, and feel real. I want to do things not because I feel like that is what I should do, but because I really really want to do them. I want to feel like when someone does propose to me, its because he realized that he doesn't want to live without me, and not because the timing is right with getting out of grad school. I don't want to pick out my own engagement ring, my perfect guy would know what I want...including that I don't want diamonds.
I don't know why this is bothering me so much. I just keep thinking about it, and drawing new offense from it. I want to not be bothered by other people's decisions. But I also don't want to feel like an untouchable for not wanting to gloss over real emotion and forcing interaction.
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Ahhhh... I knoooow it seems so forced. So fast... so form fitting to their "perfect lives" with "true love" and "happiness".
ReplyDeleteAnd I think it will work out too... mostly because they want it to work out so much. Now I'm sure they will be happy, but even if they aren't, it will still work out... That's HOW forced it is.
I don't feel like you should believe my parents regard you as second class citizen though!! I know my parents have a lot now and have been blessed, but they both came from dirt poor families with lots of dysfunction too. My Dad was particularly poor and my Mom's family was particularly dysfunctional.
So it's true, now that they've worked really hard, they really do want "the best" for their kids, but I think they realize we aren't all going to be yuppies. I don't really see Tom or me or Ben growing up into the yuppy lifestyle. (Suburbia?? Gross!) So they wouldn't expect their spouses to be like that either.
My Mom told me while she doesn't know what kind of guy I'll end up with, she's pretty sure he will NOT be like Dbc, because that kind of person isn't right for me. I'm betting she thinks the same thing about you and Tom. In fact, sometimes lately you seem better than Tom! Like when you clean the house, or know random impressive facts, or are generally cute and nice and on top of it, compared to Mr. I'm going to skip church concerts right in front of my parent's faces and be a slob around my house.
But about them doing this... it is fast. And that weirds me out and shocks me a lot. I like you and Tom a lot, but if you guys got engaged next week I would probably flip out too. I am really glad that you are not obsessed with getting married like Betsy and that you're just taking things slow and enjoying your time with Tom. It makes me really happy to see you guys just enjoying each other and what you've got. Where will it lead? Who knows. Some people spend too much time thinking about their future, and not enough time enjoying the present.
If it came down to it, you would make a wonderful sister-in-law and I'm sure everyone in the family would love you a lot. But good or bad, these are things you really don't have to worry about yet! (And if I were Dbc, I wouldn't want to be worrying about what everyone in the family thinks about him right now!)
So yeah... I'm glad you are shocked too because OMG. Ohhhhh emmmm geeee. I cant believe they are doing this so soon. I juust keep thinking "what will they do if it doesn't work out??" I'm just not sure if he's good enough to take care of her forever. (I am pretty sure you could take care of Thomas forever :P )
haha... ahh I'll have to talk to you about this later!
Thanks...this is what I needed. Someone from your family that thinks this is insane. We will talk about this later!
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